Course Content
Attachment Style
Attachment can be described as the emotional relationship you have with another person. It involves the exchange of comfort, care, and pleasure. A person's attachment style is their unique way of relating to others in relationships. Attachment styles are developed in early childhood and are stem from our relationship with our parents (or primary caregivers). However, since experience plays such a key role in attachment styles, experiences in adolescence and adulthood can drastically alter attachment styles. The attachment style you have generally governs your adult behavior.
Secure Attachment
Children who develop secure attachments to their caregivers are generally visibly upset when the caregiver leaves and happy when they return. If the child is frightened, they will seek the comfort of the caregiver. Children who are securely attached to their caregiver generally demonstrate positive behavior toward them, both when the caregiver returns and when the caregiver initiates contact. Caregivers who have developed a secure attachment with children tend to play with them more and respond more quickly to the child's need than those who have ambivalent or avoidant attachments.
Children with secure attachments grow into adults that have healthy and lasting relationships and well as good self-esteem, share their feelings, and seek out social support. Securely attached adults are clear on boundaries, don't leave you questioning where you stand in dating and are generally not conflict avoidant. They don't fear abandonment or engulfment.
Avoidant Attachment
Children who develop an avoidant attachment style generally do so because they did not know if they were going to be cared for, so they developed the belief they could not rely on others. They avoid interacting or getting too close to parents or any type of caregiver (or partner later in adulthood). This avoidance can increase after a period of closeness. These children don't seek out the comfort of their caregiver and generally show no preference between a stranger and a caregiver. They don't necessarily reject attention from caregivers but they do not seek it out either.
As adults, those with avoidant attachments may have trouble being intimate, avoid investing emotionally and be unwilling to share their thoughts and feelings. Their deepest fear is losing their independence and therefore they will pull away when they feel they, or you as their partner, are getting too close.
Anxious Attachment
Children who develop an anxious/ambivalent attachment style generally do so because they did not know if they were going to be cared for consistently so they developed a fear of or even incapability of being alone. Children with anxious or ambivalent attachment are often distressed when separated from the caregiver but are not comforted by their return. Occasionally this can lead to rejecting the caregiver by refusing comfort and even outright aggression toward them (or your partner, as an adult). As older children or teens, they are often described as clingy, over-dependent, or 'dramatic'; there is a high need to be close to family. They have trouble self-soothing when they feel anxious - or away from trusted support.
As adults, those with anxious attachments need constant reassurance that they are loved, worthy, and good enough. They have a high need for intimacy and closeness and are preoccupied with their relationships. Their deepest fear is being abandoned and therefore they become desperate, clingy, and highly emotional upon any perception (real or imagined) of their partner leaving them.
Disorganized Attachment
Children with disorganized attachments show characteristics of both avoidance and resistance. Disorganized attachment develops when a child experiences abuse, trauma, or chaos in the home. As a result, they learn to fear their caregivers and have no "secure base" to turn to for consistent support, emotional safety, and comfort. When the parent acts as a figure of both comfort and fear/trauma, the child isn't sure which to expect and therefore acts in a manner that reflects that confusion. They may seem confused or dazed when with their caregiver because they haven't developed one strong attachment style from the aforementioned styles.
In adulthood, people with this attachment style are extremely inconsistent in their behavior and have a hard time trusting others. Such individuals could also suffer from other mental health issues, such as substance abuse, depression, borderline personality disorder. This style can be changed with proper treatment, although the process might be challenging depending on the level of childhood trauma and at what age the treatment starts.
Please select Option A.
Take the Attachment Style Assessment
For an even deeper dive on attachment styles, please listen to this podcast episode